Monthly Archives: January 2017

Day Something: Just a Quick Memo

Hey y’all; this is a really quick little blurb. 

I just wanted to say, in no way am I expecting flowers or anything, but if you are considering that, please do not. I’m not able to have the flowers in the room in icu. So that means they have to be thrown away; such a waste!!! I’d so much rather you donate to your local animal shelter and then tell me about it. 


Let’s save all the The animals!!! Just saying.

That’s it. Memo over ! 

Anna out! 😘

Day 237: Pre-Op

Brandon and I are in Arkansas, safely. Resting and visiting at his cousin’s house (the best man’s house). tomorrow morning we will check Brandon into the hotel called The Guest House that is literally right off the hospital campus. Then I will be admitted into the hospital through the ER and get all hooked up and start on steroids to prep for surgery.

I am so thankful that this surgery has been scheduled instead of like last time where it was all rushed and immediate – i didnt even get to shave my legs last time (gross!) this time, I was able to pack, I’ve showered and shaved my legs, and I have a little better understanding of what is going to happen. 

 

Brandon won’t be having to go back and forth between work and the hospital this time so he can just stay with me the whole time – which will be a huge support and comfort to me.

 

All in all, while I’m still very scared and anxious, there are a lot of little pluses and blessings to be appreciated and thankful for. I feel more prepared which puts me a little more at ease. 


Please continue to pray for peace and calm for myself and my loved ones at this time. 

Praise God for all he’s done for me through this whole experience- no pain, safe travels, a fantastic support group, family, and church family. I could go on and on.


Love, Annemarie

Day 235: The Big, The Bad & The Ugly

This is not a good post. Avert your eyes if you’re weak of heart. 

Everything is being sent and relayed to Dr. Krisht, my neurosurgeon, who did my surgery back in April in Arkansas.

The two spots of the tumor regrowth that we found on December 15th have roughly doubled in size and have moved closer to the brain stem (bad!). So in less than a month these pesky things have been working.


We (my dad, myself, Brandon, and one of my brothers) will be making a trip to Arkansas soon to have surgery. Dad will speak with Dr. Krisht tomorrow to get me in for surgery asap.

One part has pushed towards the brain stem, which means even with surgery it will only debulk the size of the tumor; it can not fully be removed due to possibly damage to the stem which controls (breathing, speaking, motor function and could kill me). 

I am being set up for clinical trials to try and control tumor growth due to current chemo obviously not controlling the tumor growth. This is all we know for now. I will update as I have new info.

As far as freaking out and such; of course I’m not happy about it, but I have a peace about me/it that I can’t explain, at least I have it for now, please pray I keep it. It’s sort of like, I know God has control of it all. But it is a huge comfort for me to know that my parents and some of my friends have strong faith in God and a relationship with him. That’s my only other worry – I want all the people I love and care about to have a strong faith and relationship with God. 


I don’t want anyone I love to not have faith, or worse, lose their faith because of my sickness. So I am making myself as available as I can to be a testament and minister to anyone and everyone I can about how God is working. 


Even though life with God doesn’t mean life is going to be perfect or that bad things won’t happen, in fact, The Fall of Man guaranteed that bad stuff and sin was going to happen. But when the bad things happen to people we love, and when it gets complicated and frustrating having God and the faith and relationship with him gives a peace and comfort, support that is tangible.

Knowing that my parents and a few best friends have that relationship and faith is so important to me; and honestly, completely honestly, I’m so thankful for this cancer for giving me a relationship with God. Because before this, I really didn’t have one at all. I mean, I never questioned his existence or power, but I didn’t have a relationship. 


I want God to use me as much as he can. That might be my whole purpose. And I would love that. My big prayer since this started and before is that God break me and fix me from the inside out, (like the song; one of my favorites! When it’s sung accapella at Harding I can’t not cry.) And God is doing that.

 

Another thing, how the Bible says David was a man after God’s own heart, I pray that I can be a woman after God’s own heart. I don’t even know what that means but I want that. 


So, I’ve been up since 3am and am super exhausted. I’ll do another post tomorrow. Because this blog really helps me process things. But tonight was good for eating leftover lasagna, eating some turtle 🐢 pie, and watching an episode of Mad Men. Now I’m spending some much needed time with my husband, continuing our Harry Potter marathon.


Let’s all pray, pray hard. Because God listens and his plan, even when we don’t understand, is good and perfect. He loves me, and he loves everyone, and I know that, while I am clueless and scared, I don’t need to worry, I shouldn’t, because my God is big and perfect and has it all. 


Feel free to text me or Facebook message me, but no calls please – I don’t care for talking on the phone. Lol  

Going to go to bed, so sleepy 😌 💤 goodnight all 🌙 


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