Where to start? I haven’t checked in for quite some time – sorry about that. I’ve been busy, what with wedding planning, therapies, daddy starting a new job, and my independent study class.
So, where did I leave off last? I was waiting to get my blood drawn, getting ready for my third round of chemo (the big one.) i had reluctantly agreed to go on a stimulant to possibly help give me some energy and alleviate some of the depression. I had ordered some vitamins to help with the stretch marks and the family was preparing celebrate Brandon’s birthday.
I’m going to start with the blood draw. I had it checked, and it came back that my platelets were low – 112,000. To do the dose of chemo I was preparing for, you have to at least have 100,000, but you want them to be significantly higher; so 112,000 was not the number we wanted. However, at the time of that blood draw, I had been off schedule from my chemo because the pharmacy had been late getting my chemo to me, thus putting me off schedule. Because of this, my immune system had had 1 less week to recover, so it kind of makes sense my platelets were a little low, right? SO, when we got the results back, Dr. Monga said we would re-check my blood in a week, and it was all good (I don’t know the exact number, he didn’t tell me). Fast forward to today, and I’m taking my 3/5 day of big chemo tonight.
This chemo doesn’t seem any different than the others *knock on wood*. I haven’t really had any symptoms, but maybe those will come later, were still early into the round yet. The first night of it, I was so scared and nervous that I had basically worked myself into a hysterical panic attack. I ended up being awake and sick to my stomach over half the night. But I believe that was from working myself up, not the chemo – it wouldn’t have had time to make me sick by then.
Brandon and mom have hypothesized that the reason my taste is off is because of the chemo pills, or any of the pills, touching my tongue. Working under this assumption, I am experimenting with a different method of pill consumption. Instead of simply inserting the pill and following with water, I am first putting some water in my mouth, holding it in my mouth, then inserting the pills and swallowing. Thus far, my taste hasn’t recovered really, but I can tolerate a few more things. That being said, Ive basically become a vegetarian. Except for fish and biscuits and gravy (which has small bits of sausage in it and the gravy is made from a rue made from the sausage.) Meat smells putrid to me, so does gasoline. They smell exactly the same, gross. I pray that God saves me from this cancer, and that I live a long life serving him, and that he restores my sense of taste and smell.
Next topic: taking a stimulant. Dad and Brandon had been urging me to try a stimulant to give me energy and relieve some of the depression from which I was suffering. I agreed, and my doctor agreed, so my doctor prescribed me a low dose of Ritalin. It definitely helps. I don’t want to lay in bed all day, I don’t want to just give up and kill myself, I actually converse with people, I laugh some, I don’t think about ways to kill myself or death all the time. That being said, all of that bad stuff still occasionally happens but much much less. The Ritalin makes me want to fight more for my life, I remember to pray more often because I’m not so “oh woe is me”, and gives me more energy for my therapies and getting all my walking in. Ps. If you wanna go for a walk with me, you definitely should, because I need to get a lot of steps in per day.
Because this is such a long update, I’ll check in and update it again later tonight.