Day 57: Monday blues

It’s only noon and Today is not off to a good start. I guess that means it can only go up ? I took all my pills this morning and took them too quickly on an empty stomach with s bunch of water and ended up becoming a human water fountain a few minutes later… So there’s s waste of those pills. Lol I’m joking about it now, but I am utterly disgusted with myself. 


Then Brandon and I drove to Davenport to meet Anna Gambucci’s mom, Mary, to get hair for the wig she’s making me. We picked some out and that was great! Thank you Gambucci’s!

This next part gets graphic, so please proceed with caution or skip this paragraph. Shortly after we left the hair shop we were headed to see mom at the hospital and something bad happened…. All those pills, only water on my empty stomach, and WARNING GROSS: I’ve been really congested with s lot of drainage and I guess it all drained to my stomach… I threw up bile, mucous, and all my pills from this morning. All in the car. Yay. Brandon made sure I missed my MK bag, but I got it all over my seat and the floorboard.


 Idk why he loves me, especially when I’m so disgusting now, I wish I could make him stop loving me, make him divorce me. It  hurts me more than anything else that he’s seeing me like this, that he’s taking care of me so perfectly and patiently and I can’t give him anything back right now. I just have to pray for more years to give back to him. Dear God let me get better and get to enjoy what’s left of my life with Brandon and my family while giving glory to God. 

Please take this from me. God, I petition you to please stop pushing me to get stronger, more patient. Take this from me. Let me have my life back. I’m so impatient and I’m so exhausted and I’m so depressed. 


Make my faith stronger, because no matter what I’m going through, it is nothing compared to sacrificing your Son for every sinner. Thank you for the promise I have that even if I die, if I don’t get what I want in this situation, I have eternal life and relief and no more sadness or depression, in Heaven. That promise is the most precious thing in this world, thank you Lord. 

Please take this suffering from me. Take this cancer all away. Give me my hair and confidence and skin back. Please. I am begging you. 

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