Day 45: Wednesday we meet again

So today marks my 4th to last radiation and the day before Jeanie gets here. Mom is still in recovery and they haven’t given us a set date for her discharge. I got to see her yesterday and I’m going to see her again today. 

I’m just so proud of her and know Omi & Opa are too, it’s like I could feel it when I saw her today. She was glowing with that German-born strength and grit right through the pain. Let’s all just keep praying for quick healing and relief from her pain. 


Yesterday I “called-in” to PT and OT because I’ve just been feeling exhausted and drained. I’m running on very little sleep and, cmon, we should all know by now how much Annemarie needs a good 9-12 hours a night. 💤💤💤🤕🤒😠😱

I also saw Dr. Monga for a check up –  I see him every 2 weeks and I’m about to only have to see him every month (small victory; he’s an amazing doctor, I just hate what he represents to me – cancer, so seeing him or Dr. Smith makes me uncomfortable lol; its me, not them!) the day I stop radiation is the day I stop taking chemo for a month and then I start again monthly, so I won’t have to do blood draws except once a month! Yet another small victory! 


While speaking with Doctor Monga, we discussed the steroid and how it’s affected my weight and everything, unfortunately, he said that it is usually a very slow process, that coupled with the fact that I can’t work out hard because I’m completely lacking in endurance and stamina, and have lost a lot of my muscle from being in the hospital, means it will mostly mean diet. I’m fighting a dumb uphill battle…. On a slip and slide 😑 


But you know what, praise God I’m alive! I will do this, I am doing this, even though its is miserable!! I’m going to walk and do strengthening yoga as much as I can (moderately) and not binge eat when I feel sad, weak, ugly.

We also discussed how the medicine I use to help me sleep right now (my brain is way too alert even though I’m physically exhausted) could interact negatively with one of the other medicines I’m on, so I just went ahead and decided to stop the sleeping one and will just do Benadryl. They do the same thing for me and Benadryl doesn’t possibly give me a heart attack. Yay Benadryl! lol 

I’ve pretty well decided to just shave my head because I want it to all grow in again evenly, and this seems the best way. After I shave it, it will take a few weeks to a month for it to start to re-grow and then once I get about 1-2″ of regrowth I can have extensions put in, which is what I want to do to make sure my hair looks perfect for holiday time and the wedding of 2016: mine! Nothing is going to mess this wedding up, not even stupid cancer. 


So we’re looking at me being Ms. Baldy for about a month or 2. I can handle that. I’m going to feel ashamed and embarrassed and not really like me, but I don’t really feel like me that much anyways, and those type of emotions aren’t really helpful to me in this fight. Plus I know it’s odd for people to see a bald girl my age, but I’m assuming people have enough deductive reasoning to put 2 and 2 together lol.

I can feel my right arm and hand getting better, even though it’s slow. It’s going to take a long time before I can sketch or write properly, but I can type again very slowly and I can navigate the mouse slowly. And that progress means a lot to me. I was a Lab Supervisor at Harding and it was the best job imaginable. But I had to be quick and capable on a computer, it hurts me to know I wouldn’t be good at my job right now, I’d be hurting my job😔 

Progress is great and I’m thankful to God for everything he gives me. The ability to keep trying, situations to push me even when I don’t want to be pushed. My favorite Christian song is, “From the Inside Out”. And that songs message is what I truly feel that this is happening with me. That song brings me to tears. And I’ve prayed that I change while singing it, and while I don’t think God caused my cancer, I know he can use it for good and for his glory. 


So please look that song up… Especially the version by ZOE Group, their version is beautiful. Please continue praying for myself and my family, especially mamas healing! 

   

3 thoughts on “Day 45: Wednesday we meet again

  1. ami

    Hey ladybug! Well, you don’t know me but I know your MIL – Amy. She is just precious and after reading your blog daily, I can see that you are precious too. I can see why she is so proud that you are married to her baby boy! I tell ya young lady, you inspire me and I find myself looking forward to your daily posts. So although you might feel at times that “people don’t really wanna hear all this” or “people don’t want me to be negative” etc., you remember, this is YOUR blog and you share YOUR feelings. We are just privileged enough to be along for the ride. Prayer Warriors if you will :). xoxoxoxoxo

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  2. Sonja Howard

    Hi Annemarie,
    This is Sonja, ( the other stubborn German), from church wanting to let you know that you, Gabi and your entire family are in everyone’s constant prayers. Know that you are an amazing young sister in Christ, you are an inspiration to many. Your resilience is contagious, I am certain many others are helped by it. Allow us to carry the burden with you by letting us know how we can be of assistance to you all besides the occasional meals and prayers.
    Most gracious Heavenly Father most powerful God!
    I humble bow before your throne with heavy burdens regarding, Annemarie, Gabi and the entire family. I plead with you for a miracle of healing. Please show your powerful presence in these health matters. I ask you to work in every little aspect of Annemarie’s cancer treatments and Gabi’s recovery from the surgery. Knowing that you are all present and most powerful , I implore you to let your healing power fall upon Annemarie and Gabi. Should you decide to heal them through doctors , please give the doctors the knowledge and guidance to threat them in a way that Annemarie is cured form her cancer soon and Gabi has a speedy recovery.
    I thank you for Gabi’s successful surgery and the capable doctors you guided through this difficult task. Please strengthen the entire family as it is so heartbreaking to see loved ones suffer and one is unable to take the pain and suffering away. It makes us helpless. Once again I plead with you for a miracle, knowing that all things are possible through you, that you alone can heal them in an instance. Hold them in Your hand , comfort them, give them courage, strengthen them, shower them with your unending love and enormous blessings and give them peace that only you can give.
    In Jesus Name
    I Pray ,Amen

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