Day 31: Scheduling, Insights, Introspection

So the interview with the Christian Chronicle will be out next month (July) which is pretty cool! Didn’t realize to be published all I had to do was get cancer lol. Sorry, that’s not funny.

My radiation is done July 5th and this ‘rotation’ of chemo pills will be over July 3rd. Then I’m off until August and then 5/28 days I take a high dose of chemo pills, which functions as maintenance chemo, because you can’t continually just be on chemo because it will hurt you – it’s still a poison that I’m putting into my body. It hurts the cancer but it hurts my body. 

Dr. Monga said when I start the high doses of chemo I will be so thankful for the ondonsetron (Zofran; anti-nausea pill; I already take it each night to avoid any symptoms currently with my lower dose of chemo) which I already am thankful for it, such a blessing.

Normally you only do about 4mg tablets of Zofran but for the chemo I am on 8mg tablets which is great. And I’m thankful that my doctors really seem to care that I don’t have nasty side effects, because nausea isn’t pain or anything, but it’s still miserable!

Today Brandon takes me to radiation and the boys (Nathanael and Hardy) take Keebler to the vet, and then Wednesday night bible study/church. Not a super eventful day, which evens out the fact that yesterday was busy lol. This way Brandon can rest more before working and everything.

I think some people close to me are concerned that I’m pushing my feelings away and similar psychological no-nos, but I don’t feel that I am. I feel like those thoughts and emotions and feelings are not helpful to me, so why give them any time? To me, there is a difference in ‘this thought is too painful and I can’t handle it’ so I push it off, and in ‘this thought doesn’t help me achieve or feel better about anything, so I’m going to let that go’. As someone who has no filter and is extremely open, to the point of fault, it is incredibly difficult for me to ignore my feelings or hide them from others. 

I suppose it’s possible I am using defense mechanisms and psych no-no’s. I can’t use psych on myself to assess myself because 1. That’s unethical 2. I don’t have my licensure or anything like that 3. And logically, I’m too close to myself to give an objective opinion.

I dont know; I don’t mind seeing a psychologist and talking to them about it; again, I’m extremely open about everything, not just this, so it doesn’t bother me to share, I just see it as, if I don’t need it, why take up the Dr.’s time? But if it makes those close to me feel better and more secure, of course I will! And thank God for psychologists and that whole profession. It gets a bad reputation, but there entire profession is simply to help you. I love them. Which is why I chose to try to be one lol.

Have you guys noticed I use commas like some people use drugs? Lol I need to learn to restructure my sentences some so I’m not abusing the comma lol. I probably shouldn’t use ‘lol’ either in formal postings or anything other than text, but sorry y’all, that ship has sailed and it’s a lost cause lol. 

I might do another post today, maybe not, just felt like typing in my blog / journal this morning lol. Thank you God for a beautiful day and a solid support group and the peace I have about things that I know can only come from you. 

Romans 12:12

1 thought on “Day 31: Scheduling, Insights, Introspection

  1. Genknee Jirk Reeakchon

    I love you, I love your sense of humor. It’s funny, it’s not funny – it’s so confusing for you, I’m sure! And if I may say, it’s also confusing for some of us out here holding you in our hearts and thoughts and prayers… I love reading your posts and seeing the pictures you choose to accentuate the ideas you’re conveying. You’re beautiful. Thank you ❤



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