3:00pm: Let me preface this post with this: Today I am cranky lol.
I had an appointment this morning with a nutritionist to see if there are any foods or diets I can go on that will help me during my treatments….. That was kind of a bust because all we went over was the basics….. Eat healthy, exercise, fruits and veggies…. Which I already knew. She did give me some information on the ketogenic and Mediterranean diets, so that should be helpful!
I’m just not excited about eating healthy. I like healthy foods, but the idea of only that makes me kinda mad. Just because I like to be in control and that feels like me being controlled. Also, food has always been and is now a big comfort to me, so it feels like having the rug pulled out from under me, when it’s really just putting my life first, putting the body God gave me first.
I’m gunna have to change my whole outlook and relationship with food. It’s gunna be hard, miserable even, but I’m going to do it. I have to fight for my life, even if I don’t want to, because there are people who love me who will hurt if I die and that thought is nearly unbearable.
Maybe this diet situation will further teach me to give God control and find comfort in Him and not earthly things – clothes, jewelry, food, etc.
So the nutritionist appointment was at 10:45am at Iowa city, and then I had radiation scheduled for 12:30pm, but they got me back early after the nutritionist which was a great blessing:) I also got some prescriptions refilled. So I’m feeling pretty accomplished today lol. Marking things off my reminder list… I already have a bad memory lol, but it’s harder now because of constantly thinking about cancer, radiation, when to take pills, when are appointments, etc.
Brandon noticed yesterday that there was something bright purple on my incision on my head so today I asked one of the nurses to take a look at it and it turns out that, beneath the staples that were removed in May, there were 5 stitches that no one told me about ??? So the nurse removed 3 of them but there are still 2 more that she couldn’t get ahold of because they’re apparently positioned very awkwardly. She said she’s never seen someone have stitches like this? So we’ll try again on Friday. It doesn’t hurt or anything like that; I can’t even feel it, I bet it just looks real ugly! Lol
8:22 pm: My hair is still coming out from radiation and I feel as if I should feel more bothered. Im bothered that it clearly upsets my parents for me. The only thing I’m worried about is Brandon finding me repulsive. But in myself, im fine. It’s just hair, dead cells, it’ll grow back, and I’ve got bigger fish to fry right now lol. And this way, I’m saving so much money because if you knew me before all of this, I was spending about 30-50$ monthly on hair product alone, without trims and dyes. So this is a financially good thing lol.
Brandon’s dad, Trevor, is coming up Thursday for Father’s Day weekend and I’m really excited. It’s good for Brandon to spend time with his dad and it’s obvious that it makes them both feel good, I love that for them.
Tomorrow I meet with Dr. Monga, get labs drawn, get test results (pray for positive!), have radiation, and meet with the psychiatrist, so please pray for a smooth peaceful day, as I’m sure I’m going to cry a lot either way lol.
Thanks to God for an amazing support system, insurance that is working with me, a beautiful church family, a talented team of doctors and countless others. I am fighting for you and for God and for Brandon.