Day 16: seeing Dr. Monga

So… I would like to begin by letting you know that no test results have come back yet

 -__- which is frustrating but I truly see it as more time to pray for them to be positive. 

Please keep praying hard, even though I know it’s annoying to continually pray for the same exact thing. I’m asking you please to pray for this whenever you can!

I had my blood taken today, to test my blood counts on the chemo, Yes, my white blood cell count is a little high, but that’s because of me still being on the steroid from the surgery but otherwise everything is good and the doctor was happy with my lab results. I am having an appointment set up with the behavioral psychiatrist oncologist to see if they have someone they want me to meet with on a regular basis and also with a nutritionist because all medicine works better when the rest of your body is healthy and Lord knows I’m a fat person who is not very healthy, especially after spending two weeks in the hospital and not getting to move like at all!!!! So that’s good too. So even though we didn’t get the results to the big test it was a overall good appointment. 

I had taken a Xanax just before radiation in preparation for seeing the doctor. lol so I was pretty chill and loopy lol. I fell asleep going pee on the toilet I got so sleepy lol. He’s tapering me off of my steroid, dextamethasone, until my next MRI so probably about two more weeks of it (which is what’s making my acne so bad right now)! But he downed my dosage today from 4 mg to 3 mg so that should help improve my skin and attitude. 

Dr. Monga said the steroids also make you anxious which can be adding to my overall mental state. He wants to get me off of them ASAP but we have to wait for the MRI or I could get an infection in my brain from where some residual swelling is from my surgery. I am anxious in a good way to see someone to talk to, a behaviorial psychiatrist oncologist, someone who knows this and knows how to help me through this process, someone who can help me find some peace, because that helps Brandon find peace. It upsets him a lot when I’m upset and that upsets me and just creates a vicious cycle.

Lastly I guess is that, I’m very anxious about these test results, in a shallow/vain way, about my hair, because if the MGMT test comes back negative, then that means I have to do infusion chemotherapy and will lose my hair which I really don’t want. In a deeper way, if you know me, I cannot stand needles or bodily fluids, so the mere thought of having to sit in a fixed place for a few hours with an iv in my arm literally makes me cry and skin crawl. And also, that type of chemo is much more severe, more taxing, more damaging and I’d have to be so much more careful about germs, etc. 

just pray, it’s all we can do.

I can’t, God can. 

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