Day 10: a day thinking about statistics 

I did something very dumb while I was still in the hospital… I looked up the survival statistics for what I have…. DUMB. So to try to re- rout myself and my stinky thinkin’ I’m going to go on my soap box for a bit. Give me a few minutes here lol…

I am the daughter of a recovering alcoholic and narcotics user (20+ years) and I couldn’t be more proud of that fact. But based on that stat, at some point in my life, I’m likely to go out on a bender…. Everyone, I’ve tried alcohol and weed before (maybe in high school, not while at Harding) and truly, alcohol is not my thing. Weed is great but my neurosurgeon told me that new  research is showing a link between marijuana use and aneurysms in younger people. Now, when you’ve got a neurosurgeon as prestigious as I do, you listen, and if you don’t, you’re an idiot lol. 

Secondly, 1 in 4 women will be sexually assaulted by the time they’re 25. I’ve been the victim of date rape by an ex-boyfriend that I swear was taking anabolic steroids. He was a big bald creep. And you shoulda seen what I looked like afterwards – a giant freaking bruise. Lol but I’m still here and I haven’t committed suicide or anything. That is not to say I minimize this problem or haven’t struggled with those suicidal thoughts. I’m saying, you can overcome it with the right people around. And I have to give all glory to God for me getting past that. 

Thirdly, I am a double major at Harding University in interior design and psychology, something that hasn’t been done there before and there is no one else doing that currently.

Lastly, I got married at 22 to my soulmate which greatly increases my risk of divorce except that, that research doesn’t know me or Brandon and doesn’t know our relationship, or that’s he’s stood by me dutifully through all of these horrible things. If I make it through cancer with him, there is not a single thing we can’t make it through with God. 

 I am unique. My mind is unique. While I have brain cancer, I am still me and there is not a statistic that can label me and tell me how long I’ve got. That is such a hard thing to try to get past. I want as much time as possible. I want to have kids. I want to see my niece, Emma Niccole Knight, grow up. I want to see my brothers get married and have babies. I want to go to packers games with my husband in Wisconsin and come home to a house I’ve designed. 

All I can do is pray that God lets me have these things, and take care of me and my loved ones. Please continue praying. #gbm

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