Day One

Today started radiation! But when I showed up they just fitted me in my creepy mask and everything and got my “positions” down … For tomorrow. When I ACTUALLY start. And tomorrow evening is when I ACTUALLY start chemo pills. That’s what the on call doctor said when I called him. 

I just want to be cured. I want a cure. I want 50 years with my husband. And cleaning coffee mug rings off the counter. And this is the hardest emotional pain I’ve ever been in. Physical pain = 0…. Emotional, mental anguish = infinitude. I can’t think of anything else. Everything, is distraction to next distraction… Tv, food, sudoku, annoy my dogs, medicate to sleep, re-do. 

1 thought on “Day One

  1. Lance

    I won’t claim to know what you’re going through because I’ve never been in your shoes, but I have been through some serious emotional/mental anguish experiences in my life. During one of those times a good friend told me to ‘bathe in the Psalms.’ I remember thinking “that’s a good churchey answer” but when I decided to do it, it really did bring a lot of peace and comfort. I would just open to the Psalms, read the first few lines of some of them until I found one that said what I was feeling. (I was amazed and how quickly I would find one that said exactly what I was feeling!!) Then I would read that entire psalm, praying the words and often weeping while I did so. The whole thing brought me closer to God than I had ever been and gave me a ‘peace that passes all understanding.’ You are often in my prayers throughout the day. Hang in there and don’t hesitate to call if you ever need someone else to vent to. Love ya.

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